So, if you know me (which if you are reading my blog, most likely you do...) you would probably agree with 2 things. (1)- I'm usually a pretty happy person. I don't like drama, I don't get offended easily, and I usually don't let much get me down. And (2)- I probably share way too much information about myself with others. I'm just open like that, I guess.
Anyway- after thinking about these 2 things, this post might surprise you.
I have never really told anybody but a few close friends and family members about what I experience when I nurse. Only because I was a little embarrassed, confused, and thought I was the only one that experienced this. After mentioning what I feel to a few friends, nobody EVER knew what I was talking about, so I figured it was just me and my own weird hormones after having a new baby.
So- I've got you wondering what it is I experience when I nurse my babies now, don't I? Well, here goes the simplest explanation. Every time my baby latches onto my breast, or when my milk lets down, I get a sick, hollow, uneasy, pit-in-my-stomach feeling. Not like nausea, but more like a very sad, depressed, bleak feeling. I can't concentrate very well, and I pretty much just zone out when I'm nursing. I try to distract myself with television or reading books when I nurse, but many times I find myself zoned out for the entire feeding.
I don't recall having any of these symptoms when I nursed my oldest son, but I recognized it when I nursed McKenzie, and Madison, and it has now gotten even more intense when I breastfeed Morgan (who is now almost 4 weeks old). With Morgan, I finally realized that I would also get this feeling about 1 minute prior to my milk "letting-down" when I'm not nursing. On a positive note, I never have a problem "leaking" since I can always tell when it's about to happen! But- it's such a horrible feeling, that I almost dread nursing. Surprisingly, I didn't want to stop nursing. I feel a special bond with my baby when I nurse, if I could only figure out what was wrong with me! The hopeless feeling comes and goes when I nurse, (as my milk lets down) but immediately goes away when the baby stops sucking. Isn't that weird? In other words, I never feel depressed other than when my milk is letting down. When I'm not nursing I feel completely normal and happy like I usually do. I have luckily never had post-partum depression but couldn't help but wonder if this was some form of it.
I finally started doing some research online and actually found an answer. I was so elated when I realized I really WASN'T the only mother who had these symptoms. Apparently, what I have is called D-MER. Which stands for Dysphoric Milk Ejection Reflex. (More information on www.d-mer.org) Basically, it's caused by inappropriate Dopamine activity when the milk ejection reflex is activated. The good news for me was that I wasn't making this up. It is NOT in my head. It's not psychological, and there is no "talking myself out of feeling this way." Also, it was nice to know I'm not the only one. I've been reading hundreds of comments from other mom's with D-MER from blogs, and journals, and magazine articles, and it helps to know somebody else understands!
D-MER is categorized in 3 levels. Mild, Moderate, and Severe. I feel like I use to be more mild-moderate with the other girls, but it has become more Moderate-Severe with Morgan, which is why I finally wrote this blog post.
I'm hoping that I can help get the word out about D-MER because I'm sure there are many more women who may experience this and would be able to get through the nursing months with more confidence and hope if they understood that they are not alone in this and that it is only temporary. They should feel no embarrassment or shame in having these symptoms because it is more normal than they think.
I'm certainly glad I came across the website so I can finally feel like I'm not crazy! I love to nurse my baby, and hope that I can continue to do so for a long time. Obviously, if it becomes much worse, I would switch to formula, but for now I'm just going to push through and hope it gets better with time!
9 comments:
That is so interesting. I've never heard of D-mer. I think it's awesome that you were willing to share what you've experienced. You never know if it will somehow help someone else with what they're experiencing. I'm sure it's so nice to have some understanding and validation of what's going on. Anyway, you're awesome Cami!
You are amazing for sharing this. You are an incredible mom! I hope you are able to continue breast feeding as long as you wish. :) Good luck!
Very interesting. I never heard of anything like that. Thanks for sharing. Your new little addition is absolutely precious. She's just gorgeous.
So when you said "sick, hollow, pit-in-my stomach" feeling I had flash backs! I felt that way with Sarah. I always thought it was because I was guilted into nursing her since she was a premie and I really, really didn't want to do it. I feel a little relieved fourteen years later that possibly it was a condition and not my lack of desire to give her what I knew was best for her. Thank you for sharing and hang in there! I love ya!
That is SO nuts! I'm glad you figured it out, holy cow, that's awful! I love nursing Jocelyn, but I had such a hard time with Weston that I just feel awful when anyone has any sort of problem...to think it's supposed to be such a natural, instinctive thing? Not. It's tough work! So hang in there, good luck!
Wow. That is great to know. I've never heard of that. Thanks for sharing this information! :)
How very interesting. Yes, I had never heard of D-mer but I'm glad I have now. I'm sure that was difficult and confusing for you to feel that maybe it was just in your head or something. I'm so glad you were able to figure out what was going on, that you can feel validated in your feelings and perhaps know what you can do for it. I hope that all goes well and that you can fulfill your desire to keep nursing. Take care! And thanks for sharing!
I got thinking too about how you mentioned "leakage" :). You probably know this already but just in case you didn't, have you ever tried nursing pads? They are a life-saver if you do leak at all, if you "let down" and you're not right there to feed the baby, or whatever. I only mention them because I didn't know they even existed until I was a few months into nursing Cash and I wish I would have known about them sooner. They are usually located in a store near the bottles and other feeding supplies that a baby needs. I just use the disposable ones and the ones that have a little sticky patch on them that helps hold them in place.
That is just crazy! I have never heard of anything like that, although somehow it doesn't surprise me...crazy things happen during pregnancy and post-partum. Hormones--ugh. And Cami, welcome to the bathrobe mom club. I've embraced it! :)
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