The following post is probably going to be hard to understand. I'm going to type my thoughts as they come...and that means that who knows where this will end up!?
Okay, so I have been extremely stressed lately. I keep thinking that I need a little break and then I'll feel better, but it's not seeming to help. I went to Yellowstone, and while I was there things felt fine. But the next day after being home, the stress came back. Then... I went home for a weekend, but just like before, the second things were back to normal I was hit with it again. I feel like I've been treading water for about a month now, and I'm never seeming to get anywhere. I can't sleep at night, because I have to much stuff going through my brain! I keep thinking about the things that I need to get done tomorrow and try to see how I'm going to fit it all in. The problem is everthing I'm stressing about shouldn't really be that big of a deal. I make list after list about the things I need to do, (to help clear my head) but as I cross one thing off, I think of two more things I forgot to write down! Summer has been crazy, and Young Women's stuff just keep piling up. I love my calling, and the girls, but it's been so hectic lately. Besides the regular Sunday lessons and meetings, we've got mutual on Tuesdays, Presidency meetings on Thursdays, Girl's camp (Which I am now helping with), girl's camp meetings, and now we're also planning a seperate over night camp with just OUR ward. Besides Young Women things, I also have been put in charge of a Scripture Study class in my ward, (which isn't that hard, but still takes time to plan and call all the ladies), I'm also still teaching singing lessons, babysitting for friends, trying to get on top of my house chores, making time to exercise and finding time for the rest of my family---especially the kids. I hate feeling like they are being neglected, because I have so many things I need to do, so I make a special point in doing school with Carson and taking the kids to the zoo, the library, or lunch at the park, whenever I can squeeze it in. I know I should just simplify..but where? I feel crappy when I don't exercise everyday, I hate my house being dirty, I want to fulfil my calling, and serve the best way that I can, my family NEEDS dinner, and my kids need some attention too, so what goes? James has been working 12 days straight now, and he really deserves a break too. He's always great to help me around the house and with the kids when he's home. Just yesterday he folded all the laundry and got me out of the house to go on a walk with him and the kids. He's great, and I know he's worried about me, because I've felt so stressed lately.
My friend Kristin, (bless her heart) came and picked up Carson to go play with her daughter while I was suppose to teach singing today. My lesson pulled a "know show" on me, which didn't bother me a bit since I really wanted some down time. McKenzie is taking a nap so I thought I deserved some peace and quiet time to just blog out all my thoughts. I've spent all morning exercising, playing with kids, cleaning out drawers, organizing my cupboards, my purse, and other odds and ends around the house. It's really nice to be able to do some of this stuff without Carson here, trying to help. Anyway, I don't know if any of this made sense, but I feel better after saying it. It's just that sometimes I feel like everything seems to hit at once! Not that I'm not usually a busy person, but little things that keep sneaking up on me make me feel like I'm going to topple over if I don't get a handle on things...soon! I'm sure I just need to relax a little bit... but... that is easier said than done though.
12 comments:
Cami~
You sound like me.I always have things to do, or think I need to do. I don't know how many times Scott has told just to let things go. Usually refering to the house chores I think I ALWAYS need to be doing. Last week with all of my health tests I finally decided to try it. I had spent all day doing things for my family, and had gotten the kids down for bed, when I looked at the house and thought "oh I do don't feel like this tonight." I fixed my self an ice cream cone and put in a movie and layed in my bed. I didn't feel guilty about my house or about eating ice cream at 10 o' clock at night. In fact I fell asleep without brushing my teeth. I did wake up at about 2am and brushed them. But dang-it it felt good to just unwind. This months V.T. message is about our bodies being created in Heavenly Father's image. There was a part in there by LaGrands Richard and he mentioned how sometimes we think our bodies are our own and we can do with them what we want. But really the are Heavenly Fathers. It really made me think. I know deep down that I push myslef too hard. Not only physically but emotionally too. We just need to learn not to be so hard on ourselves. Cami I am here for you. It was no big deal to take Carson. In fact it was probably more selfish for me to take him, because I didn't want to deal with Brooklynn's mood swings today and knew that if she had a friend it would kill some time. No worries. Love Ya!
Hey Cami,
It sounds like maybe it's time to go inactive. JK.
I promise it will get better. Once your kids get older life is so easy. You just make them clean your house for you.
Quinton and Skylar really take care of themselves, and they love to entertain Quade. Hang in there. Love, Tracey
It's really hard to have kids so young and close together, then you throw in things that you have to do. I do the same thing at night! It takes planning even to make it to the grocery store with three kids tagging along. It has to be right after they eat breakfast, before they get cranky. It does get better. Noah and Avrie are pretty easy now, but Macie throws me all off now!
Cami-
I know you thought that your blog didn't make any sense. That is just because it's mom words. Only another mom can understand. I have been there so many times. It does get better as the kids get older. They entertain thereselves more and in turn entertain the young ones. This might sound all holy but prayer does help me see things more clear when I have been that stressed, oh and i can't forget about Tracey. She is my angel here on Earth. I also had a friend that said she never prayed for patience because she figured the Lord would just keep trying her patience with her kids until she got it right. :) I don't know if that's true but it is something to think about. Hang in there it will get better.
Cami - you're an angel - always serving others and lightening their loads (you did it for me on countless occasions) but even angels get too busy.
You're words really ring true/familiar. Now that I have two young kids I feel busier than ever (with nothing to show for it sometimes). I've tried training myself to prioritize. Rather than demanding that I accomplish everything in one day, I accomplish what's most important and of course those priorities should center around our families. Whatever you don't get done today...will always be there tomorrow (let's face it whether or not you dust today, it will still be back tomorrow to look like you never did it in the first place :))
Something my sister has taught me is: know your limits. Like it's been said, sometimes you have to say no, it's not worth feeling like you're neglecting your family. After all, isn't that why we stay home - is for them? And really you don't have to feel bad about saying no - you will only be providing someone else the opportunity to serve (whether it's babysitting, scripture study, whatever).
I do think it will get easier...someday...at least I sure hope so.
I so know how you feel!!! But simplifying can be done. I think. :) Even the church says family first and to not let church stuff take priority. So maybe you can talk to the bishop or whoever about how you feel. That doesn't make you bad. There are other people in the ward. And you do have a full load! Also, if you feel stressed, don't baby-sit! There are a million 12 year old girls who love to do that! I just started a really good book, "Mothering with Spiritual Power." I just started but I can tell it's going to be great. It's not long either. So go pick one up at Deseret. Haha, because you need one more thing to do!
Wow. I wish I had some amazing words of advice for you, but I will say this: You are awesome! You do so many amazing things, and are a great mom to your kids (my kids would say they're spoiled... I hardly ever take them anywhere), and YW Pres on top of it! HOW???
Oh Cam! What to do with you...
I just have to try to remeber that the Lord doesn't give us more then we can handle. Somewhere somehow it will all get done maybe not exactly as you would have wanted it to get done but sometimes we even have to lower our standards when there are other things in the pot and the pot is boiling over.
I have really had to simplify my life and it has really seemed to help. Rob has really steped up to the plate and getten things down without being asked he is sucha sweety. And I have had to just let the house be messy for a day or twocause I just couldn't handle doing anymore.
I wish I could relax and just take a bath or something to help lower my nerves but my bathtub is too small to have any fun (it is dirty right now too so that wouldn't be nice either).
I hope you find something that will make you happy!
I know exactly how you feel. I feel so tired getting through each day and can't wait to go to bed; however, when I get there I can't stop thinking of everything I need to do the next day. Then I find myself still looking at the clock at 1:00 a.m. It is so frustrating. Today I decided to take a day off. It is 12:48 p.m. and I am still not showered or ready for the day. O'well.
Cami
You are amazing. I am so impressed with all of the things you manage to do. Your kids are so cute and well behaved and happy, your husband seems very happy and really, that is all that matters. You need something you can do for YOU, something you love to do, and give yourself your own time. If you don't take care of yourself, you won't be around to take care of those who need you. You owe it to them and to you. I also agree with learning to say NO. Your mom has a problem with that too so I think I know where you got it from. haha. You are not slacking if you delegate some of the things to others. Like the camp thing your ward is in charge of, let someone else take the reins and you sit back and let them do it. It is hard to do, but you really need to let someone else pick up the slack. You have inherited a drive to go, go, go, from both your mom and dad. But if you don't ease up, you won't be going anywhere but crazy. haha. Take a break and have a few minutes to yourself. Good luck with all you have going. I know you will be amazing at whatever you do. Remember,if we don't take time to enjoy life, pretty soon we will be looking back wondering where the time went and what we missed while trying to be perfect. We miss you tons and can't wait to see you in Aug.
Love ya tons
Aunt Shareen
Hey Cam! Sorry I missed you on Sunday! It was my cousins birthday and my parents had me over to dinner. I miss you! But you are right - Cole's homecoming will be here before we know it! I will definitely see you then! For sure! And you have to tell me how on earth I RSVP for our reunion - I still need to get that done! Adam won't be able to come because of dang old work, but I still want to come with you! Let me know what I'm supposed to do if you have a minute! Thanks Cam!
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