What is the "Perfect Mom" anyway?

I've had a lot of thoughts rolling around in my head the past few days about mom stuff. I've read a few great articles recently that really have got me thinking, since I've been struggling with feelings of inadequacy and stress regarding the way I do things as a mom.  

I suppose I'm taking some advice from an article  I read from "The Power of Mom's" blog, and finally sitting down to define what a perfect mom is to me.  Now,  the "perfect mom" can have many different definitions, depending on who it is that's defining it.




 Some may say the most important thing for a mother is to always be caught up on laundry, cook gourmet meals, and have the house neat and tidy at all times.





Others may say it's more important for a mom to focus on developing their kids' talents and abilities and is always taking them from music lessons, to soccer practice, to art class, etc.

Still, others may say the perfect mom stays home all day and shifts her attention away from chores and outside duties to spend time with her kids. Playing, reading, nurturing, having tea parties, teaching them about God and family, and making memories.

So where is the balance?



 So many times when thinking about all the things I should do as a mom, I feel stressed.  I see that Evonne is a great at crafts and making her daughter's their own dresses and decorating her home beautifully. I notice that Erica never has anything out of place in her home and everything is always organized and put away.  I know that Emily is constantly taking her kids to the Library and playing board games with them, and hear about Stephanie making gourmet meals for her family with ingredients that I've never even HEARD of!  Jennifer has all of her children enrolled in 2 or 3 extra curricular activities, Melissa never misses a day at the Gym and is always wearing the latest fashion.  Erin takes care of four little kids and is the PTO president and goes out on a date with her husband every week!  Hillary never misses a Family Home Evening or family Scripture study and I have yet to see her raise her voice or lose her patience. 

Do you see where I'm going with this? Obviously, it's never good to compare yourself to others, but what's even worse is that sometimes I find myself comparing myself to MANY different people. Usually comparing their different strengths to my own weaknesses.  And in the end, it leaves me feeling overwhelmed and discouraged. 

 Now don't get me wrong, I do feel like do a pretty decent job as a mother, most of the time, but my ultimate goal here today is to decide what an accurate definition of an "ideal Mother" is for myself. What can I expect myself to achieve as a mom, and what can I neglect and not feel guilty about? If I know what I expect myself to realistically accomplish and understand the goals I've set as a mother, I will be much more able to keep my priorities straight and do what I feel is most important and beneficial for my own family.  Obviously, this will be very personal, and only accurate for me. I would challenge you to make your own list. And I completely understand that my list will probably change down the road, but for right now, I need to see, written out, what I expect myself to do.


Okay- here are the things I expect myself to do as a mom/housewife.

1-Keep the house clean and presentable, but don't be OCD crazy about it. I realize the definition of clean is different for everyone. And maybe I could lighten up a bit when it comes to how often I dust, but I do like a clean house so I am just working on finding a better balance for myself. I guess laundry and grocery shopping would also be in this category.  I heard a few quotes that helped me put "cleaning" into perspective for me. The first said, "We keep our house clean enough to be healthy, and messy enough to be happy." I seriously want to frame this and put it in my entryway!   The other said, "We're in the business of growing a family. A mess is just part of the process."  I need to remember that my kids probably won't remember having a perfectly dusted/mopped/vacuumed house, but they probably will remember the things we did and the memories we created in our home, which are far more valuable.

2- Spending more quality time with my kids, and showing them more patience, love and attention. Kids grow up SO fast.  I don't want to regret the short time that I have with them because I spent all my time doing laundry and dishes, and talking on the phone.  I want them to remember the tea parties, and the stories I read them. I want them to look back on the nights I sang them their own lullaby's as I tucked them in, or laid in their beds in the dark and just talked. I want to find more one-on-one time to spend with my kids. Baking with them, taking them on little dates, etc. I also need to focus more on my tone of voice. My consistency in disciplining. And the attention each one is getting from me  And even though it's a hassle most days, I know my kids appreciate me being in their classrooms every week, volunteering. It's more work sometimes than I'd like, but it's for them, and I just keep telling myself, that I have to take advantage of it while they are young, because pretty soon, they won't need help in their classes at school and I'll be sad if I missed out.

3-Teaching my kids. I'm a little strict when it comes to homework and reading, and music lessons. But I feel it's important to instill this knowledge and responsibility in them when they are little.  I make them make their own bed from the time they are 2, and practice their singing/piano often.  I teach them to read before Kindergarten and try help them learn to LOVE learning. I try to manage my time so that the kids have my full attention after school for homework, reading, and music.  But...I'm not just talking about Academics here. More importantly I feel it's my job to teach them about God. About our Savior, Jesus Christ. To bear my own testimony to them often and help them learn to recognize the Holy Ghost in their lives and gain testimonies of their own.To teach them how to love others and serve. The only way I think they will learn the principle of serving is from example.  Which might take some time and thought, and planning, but it's well worth it. Also- Family Home Evenings, Scripture study, and Family prayers are more important to me than almost anything else I do to teach them. How grateful I am for the Gospel of Jesus Christ and the things it has taught me.

4- Time for myself. Maybe I'm selfish, but I have a few things that I need to make time for everyday so that I can be the best mom to my own children.  One thing is exercising. I do this 6 times a week, and make it a priority. I feel better when I do it and I'm happier the rest of the day too. And everybody is happier when mom is happier.  Also- scripture study and personal prayer. I need to do better at making more time for this, so I'm not just squeezing it in at the end of the day when I'm falling asleep! I'm grateful for my calling as a Sunday School teacher for the 12-13 year old's, because it forces me to study more during the week, (especially now that we no longer have a manual to go from!) I'm really enjoying my calling though. 
 I also set some goals at the beginning of the year to practice my OWN singing everyday, and learn to play the piano. I usually can do this when the girls go down for naps and the other kids are still in school, but it's important to me, so I make time. Even if it's only 20 minutes a day.  I also try to find quiet time (usually in the evenings) to read, blog, and look at Facebook. It may seem dumb, but these things are enjoyable and relaxing to me. Obviously, I don't need to be doing these things all day long, but I need to remember to not feel guilty when I do spend time doing things for myself. 

5-Time for James. I try to get my "jobs" done and the kid's chores, lessons, and homework done all before James comes home at night, so that after dinner we spend time together doing something fun.  Playing Disney Scene it, "get back in Jail", and freeze tag are some of their favorites right now. And finally,when they are in bed we can spend some time together and unwind from the day. I love watching TV/ movies with him, or playing games, or just cuddled up on the couch, each reading our own books.


So.....here are the things I've carefully decided that I don't mind "neglecting".

1- Extra Curricular activities.  Now I'm not saying my kids won't be involved in things, but I'm totally not "that mom" who has to have her kids in everything. James and I feel like one activity is plenty for them at a time.  We don't count the music as something extra, since I teach it myself at home. The kids are all in gymnastics right now, and Carson will probably do Soccer in the Spring. They like to do them, but it could easily get out of hand with four kids if we let them do everything they wanted to do. (Not to mention expensive and time consuming!)  

2- Cooking-  Yes I cook. But I'm not fancy by any means. I don't spend hours on dinners, but try to plan ahead and be wise with my money and time. I cook from my crock-pot 75% of the time, because it's cheap and saves me oodles of time!  I'm so glad that James isn't picky and doesn't make me feel like a horrible person when I pull together grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup for dinner because "time just got away from me!"  This is one thing I found  can be overwhelming for me when I'm trying to do everything else in the day, so I've decided to not worry so much about it. We'll eat. And we'll eat healthy for the most part. We rarely get fast-food, but leftovers might be a regular thing, and pancakes will probably always be a hit for dinner around here.

3-Crafting-  This one just makes me want to shrivel up!  I love looking at people's cute things and wishing I could do them, but truth is...I am just not that crafty. Sure I can glue paper onto wood letters, but unless somebody is here showing me step-by-step on how to put together a cute wreath for my front door made out of yarn, there is NO WAY I would ever display it!  Crafting puts me in a bad mood. It never comes out the way I want. I usually spend more money than I should getting it all together and having it turn out badly anyway, and I just never seem to find the time to do it!  Now- I've done my fair share of crafts over the years, but I have realized, I don't actually enjoy it. I do it to make my home more pleasing to the eye- but anymore, I think I'm set. I like my house, and I feel good about how it looks for the most part.  Pinterest is great for all their practical ideas, but the crafty section just stresses me out. I think I struggle with this because so many women are so crafty- but I have finally decided that this is not one of my strengths, and not something I really care to improve at this time in my life. I have enough things to fill my time, so I've decided to "drop" this one from my own "good mom" criteria and just hit hobby lobby clearance sections now and again.


So- I could probably go on and on, (and many of you probably think I already did)...but I have finally narrowed down my "perfect mom" list of what I can aspire to be. I know this was long, but I am glad I finally sat down to write it all out. It helps. I really does. You should try it too.